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Post by bandage on Aug 14, 2006 13:32:05 GMT
We already had The Simpsons quotes and at thefreekick pints on Friday I boldly stated that Only Fools and Horses is for poor, lower class, less intelligent and less informed people who don’t get the class and subtlety of The Office and such like. Said it was for Burberry wearing scumbags, the type of which would attack Celtic supporters watching their team play in London! Just always found it incredibly tedious, obvious and predictable. Controversial stuff perhaps? Anyway, I want to stick in some quotes of comedies I like. As stated the other night The Office and Phoenix Nights are probably my favourites. Cracking thread on the huddleboard today had me in bits laughing, going through Phoenix Nights quotes. My favourites:
Kenny to Roy Walker (of Catchphrase, ‘say what you see’ fame) when he came to officially open the club: ‘Your accent’s real? I thought you were just pissing about like that Gerry Adams fella.’
When Les asks to hire the hall for the Karate Kid Musical
Les: ‘It will only be for a few days.’
Brian: ‘That’s what they said to Terry Waite.’
Brian’s bird: ‘Brian, I've got something to tell you.’
Brian: ‘You’re not a bloke are you??? Like Hayley.’
‘What a great welcome...it nearly brought a tear to my jap’s eye!’
Rayvon dressed in traditional Japanese outfit for quiz night.
The day they have the fair at the club and the DJ shouts at all the kids driving around in the bumpers:
‘Go! Break the speed limit. Don’t let the disableds have all the fun.’
The Wild West one where the horse ends up in the Jocky Wilson suite (name is just comedy genius itself) and drinks all the beer behind the bar:
Young Kenny: ‘Whats up with that horse?’
Brian: ‘It`s pissed.’
Young Kenny: ‘How do you know?’
Brian: ‘I know a pissed horse when I see one. Quick get it a kebab!’ (Probably my favourite).
Potter: ‘Problems Jerry? You wanna try walking a mile in my shoes!’
Jerry: ‘Yeah, so do you.’
Potter: ‘That's below the belt Jerry.’
Jerry: ‘You wouldn't have felt it then.’
Potter: ‘Oh! That's it, go for the hat-trick, slash me tyres!’
Immense!
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Post by whyohwhy on Aug 14, 2006 13:54:48 GMT
The Wild West one where the horse ends up in the Jocky Wilson suite (name is just comedy genius itself) and drinks all the beer behind the bar: Young Kenny: ‘Whats up with that horse?’ Brian: ‘It`s pissed.’ Young Kenny: ‘How do you know?’ Brian: ‘I know a pissed horse when I see one. Quick get it a kebab!’ (Probably my favourite). Potter: ‘Problems Jerry? You wanna try walking a mile in my shoes!’ Jerry: ‘Yeah, so do you.’ Potter: ‘That's below the belt Jerry.’ Jerry: ‘You wouldn't have felt it then.’ Potter: ‘Oh! That's it, go for the hat-trick, slash me tyres!’ Immense! laughed out loud at those two, comedy genius |
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Post by bondage on Aug 14, 2006 16:07:57 GMT
Only Fools and Horses was and is a piece of classic comic genius. Consistent over a 15 year period. Admittedly some of John Sullivan's other efforts lack alot in the humour department but Del boy and Rodders were smashin. The Office also class but not in the same league. Some people forget their humble roots and become natuarlised yuppies so easily.
The Life Of Bandage is the funniest piece of film I've ever seen!
Welease Wudolf the Wednose Weindeer!
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Post by bondage on Aug 14, 2006 16:10:40 GMT
Brian: Please, please, please listen! I've got one or two things to say.
The Crowd: Tell us! Tell us both of them!
Brian: Look, you've got it all wrong! You don't NEED to follow ME, You don't NEED to follow ANYBODY! You've got to think for your selves! You're ALL individuals!
The Crowd: Yes! We're all individuals!
Brian: You're all different!
The Crowd: Yes, we ARE all different!
Man in crowd: I'm not...
The Crowd: Sch!
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Post by timofte on Aug 14, 2006 22:13:14 GMT
We already had The Simpsons quotes and at thefreekick pints on Friday I boldly stated that Only Fools and Horses is for poor, lower class, less intelligent and less informed people who don’t get the class and subtlety of The Office and such like. Said it was for Burberry wearing scumbags, the type of which would attack Celtic supporters watching their team play in London! Just always found it incredibly tedious, obvious and predictable. Controversial stuff perhaps? Anyway, I want to stick in some quotes of comedies I like. As stated the other night The Office and Phoenix Nights are probably my favourites. Cracking thread on the huddleboard today had me in bits laughing, going through Phoenix Nights quotes. My favourites: Kenny to Roy Walker (of Catchphrase, ‘say what you see’ fame) when he came to officially open the club: ‘Your accent’s real? I thought you were just pissing about like that Gerry Adams fella.’ When Les asks to hire the hall for the Karate Kid Musical Les: ‘It will only be for a few days.’ Brian: ‘That’s what they said to Terry Waite.’ Brian’s bird: ‘Brian, I've got something to tell you.’ Brian: ‘You’re not a bloke are you??? Like Hayley.’ ‘What a great welcome...it nearly brought a tear to my jap’s eye!’ Rayvon dressed in traditional Japanese outfit for quiz night. The day they have the fair at the club and the DJ shouts at all the kids driving around in the bumpers: ‘Go! Break the speed limit. Don’t let the disableds have all the fun.’ The Wild West one where the horse ends up in the Jocky Wilson suite (name is just comedy genius itself) and drinks all the beer behind the bar: Young Kenny: ‘Whats up with that horse?’ Brian: ‘It`s pissed.’ Young Kenny: ‘How do you know?’ Brian: ‘I know a pissed horse when I see one. Quick get it a kebab!’ (Probably my favourite). Potter: ‘Problems Jerry? You wanna try walking a mile in my shoes!’ Jerry: ‘Yeah, so do you.’ Potter: ‘That's below the belt Jerry.’ Jerry: ‘You wouldn't have felt it then.’ Potter: ‘Oh! That's it, go for the hat-trick, slash me tyres!’ Immense! How dare you |
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Post by bandage on Aug 15, 2006 8:18:13 GMT
Paddy: 'Prostitutes in Amsterdam are dead filthy, this one I went to, she made me wash my old man in the sink.'
Max: 'What? You took your dad?'
Sooooperb.
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Post by bondage on Aug 15, 2006 8:53:06 GMT
Albert During the...
Del If you say during the war, I'll pour this cup of tea over your head!
Albert I wasn't going to say during the war!
Del Alright then.
Albert Bloody little know all!
Del Sorry
Albert That's alright. During the 1939-1945 conflict with Germany...
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Post by bandage on Aug 15, 2006 9:49:57 GMT
Think it was Jerry on the day of the fair that said:
‘I haven't seen the locals this excited since they named and shamed that paedophile in the local papers.’
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briantinnion
Ray Houghton
I love Sarah-Louise Platt
Posts: 90
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Post by briantinnion on Aug 15, 2006 10:36:39 GMT
Love Only Fools and Horses but think it went on a bit long, for me The Office is the greatest British comedy, could quote Brent all day:
“There are limits to my comedy. There are things that I’ll never laugh at. The handicapped. Because there’s nothing funny about them. Or any deformity. It’s like when you see someone look at a little handicapped and go ‘ooh, look at him, he’s not able-bodied. I am, I’m prejudiced.’ Yeah, well, at least the little handicapped fella is able-minded. Unless he’s not, it’s difficult to tell with the wheelchair ones.”
Seinfeld would be my favourite American comedy, run close by the excellent Frasier.
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Post by bandage on Aug 15, 2006 10:42:50 GMT
“There are limits to my comedy. There are things that I’ll never laugh at. The handicapped. Because there’s nothing funny about them. Or any deformity. It’s like when you see someone look at a little handicapped and go ‘ooh, look at him, he’s not able-bodied. I am, I’m prejudiced.’ Yeah, well, at least the little handicapped fella is able-minded. Unless he’s not, it’s difficult to tell with the wheelchair ones.”quote] That's the kind of stuff I'm talking about. Genius. |
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briantinnion
Ray Houghton
I love Sarah-Louise Platt
Posts: 90
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Post by briantinnion on Aug 15, 2006 10:52:27 GMT
This one always makes me think of my job:
"It's like, Comic Relief, yeah? I'm out here in Africa (at the clients) and I'm seeing the flies and the starvation... and she (the partner) - if she is the boss - she's in the studio (the office) with, you know, Jonathan Ross and Lenny Henry - and they've got their suits on. They're doing their bit, they're counting the money. Good luck to them. But, their hands are clean, while I'm down here in the office with the little starving kids..."
One more classic before I go study:
"I suppose I've created an atmosphere here where I'm a friend first, boss second. Probably an entertainer third."
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gilly
Jamie Redknapp
Posts: 9
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Post by gilly on Aug 15, 2006 14:48:57 GMT
I have to include some of The Office US quotes because I had such low expectations for the show but I now love it.
Michael: Toby is in HR, which technically means he works for corporate, so he's really not a part of our family. Also, he's divorced, so he's really not a part of his family.
Michael: Yes, I was the first one out. And yes, I’ve heard "women and children first". But, we do not employ children. We are not a sweatshop, thankfully. And women are equal in the workplace by law. So if I let them out first, I have a lawsuit on my hands.
Michael: Presents are the best way to show someone how much you care. It is like this tangible thing that you can point to and say “Hey man, I love you this many dollars-worth”.
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Post by timofte on Aug 15, 2006 15:10:10 GMT
Not sure if any of you have started watching Trailer Park Boys on Channel 6 or Comedy Channel. Doubt it as most people think its shite. I think its quality. Here's a taste of what you're missing out on:
Mr. Lahey: Why don't you get a life Rick? Why don't ya go to community college like Julian here. Hey, I got a good idea. You could teach, livin' in a car and growin' dope 101.
Ricky: Hehe. And you can teach how to get drunk, get fired from the police force become a... lousy trailer park supervisor that sucks, hangs around with a fuckin' idiot that doesn't wear a shirt and looks like a dick but thinks he looks good... 101.
____________
Julian: Ricky, I'm telling you, you gotta stop growing pot.
Ricky: Come on, man, you can't tell me to do that.
Julian: I'm serious Ricky.
Ricky: You can't tell me to do that. It's like telling the NWA to stop being black.
____________
Bible Person: Can you read, my son?
Bubbles: That depends, can you go fuck yourself?
____________
Ricky: I try to be a role model for kids around the park. If some kid wants to grow dope, they can come talk to me, instead of growing dope 6 or 7 times through denial and error, they're going to get it right the first time and have some good dope.
____________
DT
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Post by bondage on Aug 15, 2006 17:40:26 GMT
John O'Leary: What can we do for you Father?
Dougal : I was looking for a pair of handcuffs actually.
John : A pair of handcuffs? What do you need them for?
Dougal : Oh nothing much, they're for me and Ted.
Mary : You and Father Ted?
Dougal : Yeah, we're just trying something out.
John : Well emm, actually, funnily enough we do have a pair. Sergeant Thornton left them here when he retired.
Dougal : Retired from what?
John : From the police.
Dougal : The police? Was Sergeant Thornton a policeman?
John : Emm, he was yes. Why do you think he wore the uniform?
Dougal : Oh I thought he was just having a laugh.
John : Anyway here's the handcuffs.
Dougal : Great, bye now.
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Post by bondage on Aug 15, 2006 17:44:43 GMT
An all time great as recently voted by some group or other
Ted: I'm not a fascist. I'm a priest. Fascists dress up in black and tell people what to do. Whereas priests...
...More drink!
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Post by steamboatsam on Aug 16, 2006 8:50:28 GMT
wasn't bothered searching for the Simpsons thread.
some irish priest i think and he's having a drunken brawl with his father. the father decks him with a box and goes "ahh you're just like your mother - can't take a punch"
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Post by humbug on Aug 16, 2006 19:41:20 GMT
I'm Alan Partridge.
The Scene: Alan is hosting a party in his hotel room. Michael, an employee of the hotel, enters the room gee-eyed and wearing a shirt with an oriental design on the back.
Alan: That's a nice shirt.
Michael: [Getting up and turning round to show Alan the back] Aye, I got married in this. Do you like it? I got it from Manilla.
Alan:I didn't know you were married.
Michael: Aye. I married a Phillipino lassie, like. It didn't work out. She didn't like Newcastle and she didn't fit in with the culture.
Alan: Right, so she's gone back home?
Michael: No, she moved to Sunderland. She's shacked up with my brother.
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briantinnion
Ray Houghton
I love Sarah-Louise Platt
Posts: 90
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Post by briantinnion on Aug 16, 2006 21:40:50 GMT
I'm Alan Partridge. The Scene: Alan is hosting a party in his hotel room. Michael, an employee of the hotel, enters the room gee-eyed and wearing a shirt with an oriental design on the back. Alan: That's a nice shirt. Michael: [Getting up and turning round to show Alan the back] Aye, I got married in this. Do you like it? I got it from Manilla. Alan:I didn't know you were married. Michael: Aye. I married a Phillipino lassie, like. It didn't work out. She didn't like Newcastle and she didn't fit in with the culture. Alan: Right, so she's gone back home? Michael: No, she moved to Sunderland. She's shacked up with my brother. Another classic from Alan, talking about the Irish famine: I mean, if it was just the potatoes that were affected, at the end of the day, you will pay the price if you're a fussy eater. If they could afford to emigrate then they could afford to eat in a modest restaurant. |
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Post by jimmyhillschin on Aug 17, 2006 7:30:55 GMT
Classic scene from Seinfeld
GEORGE: Why don't they have salsa on the table?
JERRY: What do you need salsa for?
GEORGE: Salsa is now the number one condiment in America.
JERRY: You know why? Because people like to say "salsa." "Excuse me, do
you have salsa?" "We need more salsa." "Where is the salsa? No salsa?"
GEORGE: You know it must be impossible for a Spanish person to order
seltzer and not get salsa. (Angry) "I wanted seltzer, not salsa."
JERRY: "Don't you know the difference between seltzer and salsa?? You
have the seltezer after the salsa!"
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