Roccer Ball

[stickywithoutjam]

Guys, in a fit of "Webb Ellisian" inspired rule-breaking over Luncheon with acquaintances & colleagues alike, I think I have come across a ground-breaking sporting concept for the 21st century, which at last breaches the divide between soccer and rugby...yes ROCCER.

The basic principle amalgamates the best (and worst) of both games. I have tired over the couple of conversaton I have had with various types over which "football" sport (not game, we'll expand on that point later) is superior. With Roccer that is now history, soccer and rugby fans alike have a lovely son, the fruit of their loins from healthy coitus.

Whilst the finer details of the sport are in Committe stages at the moment, the defining aspect of this revolutionary activity will harness the rotational properties of a round ball (not oval) but the genius of only being able to pass the ball backwards...in a forward playing game I'll have you know.

How points/goals are scored, we are undecided. Likewise, any other aspect of the game is up in the ether.

I would be grateful if you flesh out this fledging sport by posting possible code/rules/bye-laws on this web thread.

Strokes all around!

[bandage]

Cracking idea Sticky: I propose all throw ins must be straight. If a throw is fired forwards or backwards a chorus of 'it's not straight' should emanate from the stands. Possession would then be turned over to the other team with play restarted via a free kick in the middle of the centre circle.

[stickywithoutjam]

Principle number one should be no hands on the ball at all. Only footwork is necessary. But quite undecided on the shape of the goal posts/ scoring sticks? Will it be sufficient to move the ball over the "touch" line and have "downward pressure"?......I just don't know However one attribute of Rugby I will have to impose is the third referee, as an armchair remote control channel flicker I like the way referees make an imaginary square and every knows it means the "TV referee", its like a game of charades were everyone guesses correctly...its the little things in life that are worth living.

[whyohwhy]

I propose 19 players a side and the pitch should be an arena, not unlike the one in Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome; '38 men enter, 19 men leave' (not including officials, team, mascots, cheerleaders and general hangers-on)

Interactive armchair activities should include: Thumbs up or down: a la Roman times.

[stickywithoutjam]

Another attribute of Rugby I would propose would be to keep the position of "HOOKER", but this time it actually is a hooker...that would certainly beat Janet Jackson at any Superbowl half-time for titillation.

Coming from a non-rugby household as a child, I wondered what a hooker was, and wondered why so many adults sought relief in short stock rugby players in those red light areas of the township. Genuinely .

Think of the lad appeal one would generate if you knew a hooker was there on yer side, ready to apply her professional skills to remedy the ubiquitous "knocks" professional athletes incur.

However such a fest would probably keep the matches from wider family appeal, which we should be wary of!

The term "truck & trailer" should also be retained somehow, because it sounds nice.

And who de fok invented these smiley yokes, they're ;D

[bandage]

Sticky, could we incorporate a dodgeball style element whereby if you belt the ball and hit someone in the nads they are eliminated from the game?

Like the hooker idea.

[whyohwhy]

Power Plays; whereby Phil 'The Power' Taylor comes on for absolutely no reason at all into the arena. ;D

[bandage]

whyohwhy said:

Power Plays; whereby Phil 'The Power' Taylor comes on for absolutely no reason at all into the arena. ;D

Cracking stuff. How about every game a team can use their 'Wild Card' and bring on Derek Mooney from 'Mooney Goes Wild' for 5 minutes. The other team then gets to beat the scheidt out of him as you go off and score while they're distracted?

[whyohwhy]

bandage said:

whyohwhy said:

Power Plays; whereby Phil 'The Power' Taylor comes on for absolutely no reason at all into the arena. ;D

Cracking stuff. How about every game a team can use their 'Wild Card' and bring on Derek Mooney from 'Mooney Goes Wild' for 5 minutes. The other team then gets to beat the scheidt out of him as you go off and score while they're distracted?

Get Ryan Tubridy in it and i'm signing up.

[stickywithoutjam]

I like the creativity, but are we being get excited? Shouldn't we be true to the roots of the game.

[whyohwhy]

stickywithoutjam said:

I like the creativity, but are we being get excited? Shouldn't we be true to the roots of the game.

Violence - check
Ball - check (physical characteristics undecided yet)
Players - check (15 to 19)
Pitch - undecided

What more do we need?

[bandage]

stickywithoutjam said:

I like the creativity, but are we being get excited? Shouldn't we be true to the roots of the game.

Okay. When you're thumping Tubridy and making mince meat of Mooney you must ensure that you're punching/kicking them backwards. If there is a forward motion play will be stopped, the lads stretchered off and a scrum awarded to the opposition.

[stickywithoutjam]

One concept we could incorporate to stop the excess of soccer, is the application of paper tacks to the pitch. You must admire the hardiness of the ruggerball player, and drawing on the sadism of Dodgeball/Thunderdome, this move would certainly stop the diving antics of the Drogbyites/Pirites of this world and leave those Nancy boys out in the cold for a real mans activity.

I believe this in turn would boost skill levels, as no one would want to be caught, although the ball would have to be kevlar reinforced to ensure no punctures.

[whyohwhy]

And absolutely no blood subs, in fact bleeding players get extra scores! The longer a player is bleeding then the bigger the reward, i.e 10 mins bleeding = double scores, 20 mins = treble scores.

Blood must have been spilled by opposition player, to be verified by a celebrity i.e. Derek Davis

[stickywithoutjam]

I think the pitch should be Aussie Rules size. to tip our hats to other global minority sports. Plus it will give us the space to kick the ball backwards and give the attacking side the space to run with the ball.

Inserting Hedgerow Mazes in the centre of the pitch would be an interesting move..unheard of any other sport to my knowledge.

I would also like to insert Kabaddi in the mix. I have long admired this sport since it brief incursion on Channel 4, so anyone who has possession of the ball must say ROCCER incessantly to retain legal possession. However, I admit this could become difficult to enforce on a pitch the size of Dublin airport's carpark. This one should go to commiiiittteee.