Post by bandage on Jul 10, 2006 2:11:43 GMT
Should I take a different angle here? You see I used to play for Meath, I was a cracking midfield player and now I manage Carlow. Yes, I was involved in that failed venture the Dublin Daily but there's something about me. I have an edge. I'm not the regular GAA player or manager, you see I'm a journalist too and I'm an intellectual. My name is Liam Hayes but I think I'm Paul Kimmage. Did I tell you I'm now the Carlow manager? Yes, I've had a Rough Ride.
I told you before most of the Carlow XV would walk their way into the Meath team but unfortunately when we played them in the championship the other week they beat us up like the little bitches we are. I had previously said we would thump Laois but they battered us too. Maybe I'm a little too fond of making grandiose statements considering I manage fooking Carlow and should know my limits.
Last year we played Wexford in Croke Park and we were comfortably beaten. Maybe I'm not the messiah I thought I was? No, don't be ridiculous I'm Liam Hayes, the special one. It's Matty Forde's fault. Just because he stood up to the vitriol and bile he was subject to and rattled the Carlow net and knocked over a few sublime points - the fooking cheek of him, I'll give him what's coming to him.
I think I'll write about his cocky and arrogant manner in the Tribune next week. That'll show him. Then this year I'll complain more about referees and point the finger at them after we get beaten out the gate by Laois. But you see it won't sound like sour grapes because I can come from a different angle. I will write about disciplinary hearings from the committee man's perspective. I will try to be Paul Kimmage yet again (not a bad role model in fairness, his Tour de France pieces in the Times are a joy to behold) and I will stand up for Carlow. How dare they send off our full back Mark Brennan, the absolute injustice. We are being killed by referees and as for the penalty against Laois then don't even start.
Jesus, it's not as easy as I thought it would be managing the likes of Carlow. To be honest we haven't really improved at all. We've done nothing in Leinster and we're still languishing in Division 2 but I've raised my own profile anyway so that's all that matters. It's been a good two years. Should I pat myself on the back a little bit more? No, actually I'm still bitter about Matty Forde having the temerity to stand up to my team of no hopers manged by a no hoper full of hot air. Yes that's me by the way. I'll stick it into him this week. It'll make me feel more self important in my own self important little world.
'Matty should get nailed for 12 months, minimum. And those of us who saw what happened with our own eyes should not be told by anyone, that Matty Forde is being nailed to the cross.'
Even if an attempt was being made to nail Forde to the cross it wouldn't be possible as we'd have to knock you off your pedestal and get you out of the way first.
Yes, only Forde can say whether what he did was intentional or not and even though he never looked at the guy he stepped on I have sentenced him to 12 months without football. You see I don't want to see his vast array of skills every week because he was disrespectful to Carlow last year. What a disgrace he is.
If I'm being honest I must admit I have a little grudge against him. You see I wrote about it last year. Wexford beat MY Carlow team 3-12 to 2-10 and Matty kicked a goal and a good few points. He was getting a bit of stick from my lads and wasn't very gracious after scoring one of his final points. He shouted in the ear of the player who was marking him but don't worry, I've marked his card. What a tramp that guy is. Note to self, I won't accept my own inadequacies and the inadequacies of my wonderful Carlow side, instead I'll concentrate my column next week on the behaviour of Matty Forde. How dare he have a go back at the players that goaded and tried to intimidate him all game and I'll be waiting for him next year and the year after that too. What a cheek for him to show some balls. I'll get him back some day though and it won't seem like a cheap shot because I'll write a really good piece. But it'll take me a while because I'll have to climb up on to the moral high ground first. Maybe if I really stick the knife in people will still talk about me again even though I'm only manger of an inept Carlow side. But I want to be back in the limelight, I have earned it you know.
Did I tell you I have an autobioagraphy too? It's called 'Out of Our Skins' and it's nearly as good as 'A Rough Ride'. I bet Matty Forde's never read it. I'll get him for that.
Your article yesterday was pathetic but true to form. You don't write like a Sean Boylan player and you don't and will never manage like him either.
I told you before most of the Carlow XV would walk their way into the Meath team but unfortunately when we played them in the championship the other week they beat us up like the little bitches we are. I had previously said we would thump Laois but they battered us too. Maybe I'm a little too fond of making grandiose statements considering I manage fooking Carlow and should know my limits.
Last year we played Wexford in Croke Park and we were comfortably beaten. Maybe I'm not the messiah I thought I was? No, don't be ridiculous I'm Liam Hayes, the special one. It's Matty Forde's fault. Just because he stood up to the vitriol and bile he was subject to and rattled the Carlow net and knocked over a few sublime points - the fooking cheek of him, I'll give him what's coming to him.
I think I'll write about his cocky and arrogant manner in the Tribune next week. That'll show him. Then this year I'll complain more about referees and point the finger at them after we get beaten out the gate by Laois. But you see it won't sound like sour grapes because I can come from a different angle. I will write about disciplinary hearings from the committee man's perspective. I will try to be Paul Kimmage yet again (not a bad role model in fairness, his Tour de France pieces in the Times are a joy to behold) and I will stand up for Carlow. How dare they send off our full back Mark Brennan, the absolute injustice. We are being killed by referees and as for the penalty against Laois then don't even start.
Jesus, it's not as easy as I thought it would be managing the likes of Carlow. To be honest we haven't really improved at all. We've done nothing in Leinster and we're still languishing in Division 2 but I've raised my own profile anyway so that's all that matters. It's been a good two years. Should I pat myself on the back a little bit more? No, actually I'm still bitter about Matty Forde having the temerity to stand up to my team of no hopers manged by a no hoper full of hot air. Yes that's me by the way. I'll stick it into him this week. It'll make me feel more self important in my own self important little world.
'Matty should get nailed for 12 months, minimum. And those of us who saw what happened with our own eyes should not be told by anyone, that Matty Forde is being nailed to the cross.'
Even if an attempt was being made to nail Forde to the cross it wouldn't be possible as we'd have to knock you off your pedestal and get you out of the way first.
Yes, only Forde can say whether what he did was intentional or not and even though he never looked at the guy he stepped on I have sentenced him to 12 months without football. You see I don't want to see his vast array of skills every week because he was disrespectful to Carlow last year. What a disgrace he is.
If I'm being honest I must admit I have a little grudge against him. You see I wrote about it last year. Wexford beat MY Carlow team 3-12 to 2-10 and Matty kicked a goal and a good few points. He was getting a bit of stick from my lads and wasn't very gracious after scoring one of his final points. He shouted in the ear of the player who was marking him but don't worry, I've marked his card. What a tramp that guy is. Note to self, I won't accept my own inadequacies and the inadequacies of my wonderful Carlow side, instead I'll concentrate my column next week on the behaviour of Matty Forde. How dare he have a go back at the players that goaded and tried to intimidate him all game and I'll be waiting for him next year and the year after that too. What a cheek for him to show some balls. I'll get him back some day though and it won't seem like a cheap shot because I'll write a really good piece. But it'll take me a while because I'll have to climb up on to the moral high ground first. Maybe if I really stick the knife in people will still talk about me again even though I'm only manger of an inept Carlow side. But I want to be back in the limelight, I have earned it you know.
Did I tell you I have an autobioagraphy too? It's called 'Out of Our Skins' and it's nearly as good as 'A Rough Ride'. I bet Matty Forde's never read it. I'll get him for that.
Your article yesterday was pathetic but true to form. You don't write like a Sean Boylan player and you don't and will never manage like him either.
